WHEN THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES
I wish I could accurately describe to you what I know is happening.
Everything is changing and I could not stretch my arms out any wider to welcome that change.
I met three incredibly special people today, but I will save that for later.
Tonight, after coming home from Edgar's house, I found my parents sitting in the backyard as they customarily do on summer nights. I sat out there with them and just listened to them conversing. Momma was telling pops what she was going to make him for dinner tomorrow evening. I sat across from them and interrupted their conversation. I took both of their hands in mine and kissed them, and I told them that I loved them. They looked at me as if they weren't surprised that I would do something like that, but more caught off guard.
I held their hands for a long time while I told them that despite mistakes and some bad choices they had made, I could not have been blessed with better parents. They have had their rough moments as a married couple, but they have not parted ways. I felt an undeniable urge to let my emotion-ridden words spill into the air for their ears and hearts to catch.
They both looked back at me with solemn eyes and both squeezed my hands in theirs. My father apologized for not knowing how to be affectionate, but I stopped him midway because I don't think he realizes that he shows me love EVERY single day. My father asks about me and the rest of his children on a daily basis. My father has a heart the size of these United States. My father is as sweet as sugar and he exudes that sweetness whenever he talks about his children.
My mother praised her children saying that there was nothing that made her more proud. At the very end of the conversation, my parents turned the conversation on me and one told me he has the sweetest memories of me, and the other told me that I was one of her most noble children, along with my twin sisters. They both had something to say about me and all of my siblings. My father especially noted how good it feels to him when we express affection towards him. I tried my best to communicate to them that we are the way we are because we learned from two people with humongous, giving, loving, nurturing hearts.
This, then, brings me to the three special people that I met today. Edgar and I were sitting out front of his house when much to my surprise, out comes a beautiful little boy followed by his equally beautiful mother, Edgar's sister,Priscilla. I was not prepared to meet any of his family members, but out came the mama. She was very observant, but equally inviting. I conversed with Priscilla more than I did with their mother, but I did not feel an ounce of discomfort after the initial greeting. It was strange to me that I felt accepted by these people that had never met me. If you don't believe me, wait until I tell you about baby Aidan.
After about 5-10 minutes, Aidan came to me, and raised his arms for me to pick him up onto my lap as if he had known me before. I was rather surprised, but the looks on everyone else's faces were what startled me. It was then that they told me that that never happens, that Aidan was never that welcoming to strangers. My heart melted inside.
I barely met these people, and already, they were special to me. Edgar and I accompanied his sister, mother, and nephew on a walk around the block, and when the walk ended, I wanted more of these people. It was then that I realized that this thing between Edgar and me is real. We were supposed to find each other, it was only a matter of time.
On my way to work today, I realized the validity, the value of something that Eric Collins told me one year ago. He said that comfort and security alone are not good enough reasons to stay with somebody for the rest of your life. One year ago, I argued against that notion, saying that they might be the best reasons, because at least you know you have SOME sort of basis to form a solid foundation. But these days you will find me saying something different. Comfort and security are only a minimal part of why you should consider someone to be with you for the rest of your life. Comfort and security don't even begin to chip the iceberg. Comfort and security leave you alone and deceive you. Comfort and security are not enough to make someone remember that they love you before they destroy what you have built. Comfort and security- they're just not enough.
When I look at Edgar, I see what I've been waiting for. I see what people told me I would never find because I was expecting perfection. I see my own version of perfection. This is not to say that he is perfect. Shit...I learned my lesson about that...one should NEVER expect someone to be a saint- it's a bad idea for both people. But I see unconditional acceptance. I see nobility, decency, selflessness, humility, humor, maturity, authenticity, charisma, brilliance, pureness of heart, and an amazing sense of who he is in this universe. Today, when I met his family, I knew how he was formed. I knew the origination of the sense of home that I get when he is around.
Family does that to you. Family has everything to do with the way you choose to be, whether it be by good example, or bad. Before the conversation between my parents and I ended, my father said (this is in translation): "The time to show your love is now." Daddy, you've never been more right in your life.
QOTD
"U have made my world so warm jenny. i owe u my all. always."
-Edgar- (sigh-inducing text messages from my baby...)
"Yeah, but hosts are sub-human, they don't really count."
-Dave Reiter-
"When you two were standing there, I felt like sliding in-between you and yelling safe!"
-Jen A. (aka Ninja Jen) having a softball memory lapse. (kinda like 'Nam, but only not.)-
"Whatever, short shit."
-Jen A.- (as you may have guessed, she's about 12 ft. tall)
"My legs hurt cause I'm fat and I can't carry myself."
-Cona-
Everything is changing and I could not stretch my arms out any wider to welcome that change.
I met three incredibly special people today, but I will save that for later.
Tonight, after coming home from Edgar's house, I found my parents sitting in the backyard as they customarily do on summer nights. I sat out there with them and just listened to them conversing. Momma was telling pops what she was going to make him for dinner tomorrow evening. I sat across from them and interrupted their conversation. I took both of their hands in mine and kissed them, and I told them that I loved them. They looked at me as if they weren't surprised that I would do something like that, but more caught off guard.
I held their hands for a long time while I told them that despite mistakes and some bad choices they had made, I could not have been blessed with better parents. They have had their rough moments as a married couple, but they have not parted ways. I felt an undeniable urge to let my emotion-ridden words spill into the air for their ears and hearts to catch.
They both looked back at me with solemn eyes and both squeezed my hands in theirs. My father apologized for not knowing how to be affectionate, but I stopped him midway because I don't think he realizes that he shows me love EVERY single day. My father asks about me and the rest of his children on a daily basis. My father has a heart the size of these United States. My father is as sweet as sugar and he exudes that sweetness whenever he talks about his children.
My mother praised her children saying that there was nothing that made her more proud. At the very end of the conversation, my parents turned the conversation on me and one told me he has the sweetest memories of me, and the other told me that I was one of her most noble children, along with my twin sisters. They both had something to say about me and all of my siblings. My father especially noted how good it feels to him when we express affection towards him. I tried my best to communicate to them that we are the way we are because we learned from two people with humongous, giving, loving, nurturing hearts.
This, then, brings me to the three special people that I met today. Edgar and I were sitting out front of his house when much to my surprise, out comes a beautiful little boy followed by his equally beautiful mother, Edgar's sister,Priscilla. I was not prepared to meet any of his family members, but out came the mama. She was very observant, but equally inviting. I conversed with Priscilla more than I did with their mother, but I did not feel an ounce of discomfort after the initial greeting. It was strange to me that I felt accepted by these people that had never met me. If you don't believe me, wait until I tell you about baby Aidan.
After about 5-10 minutes, Aidan came to me, and raised his arms for me to pick him up onto my lap as if he had known me before. I was rather surprised, but the looks on everyone else's faces were what startled me. It was then that they told me that that never happens, that Aidan was never that welcoming to strangers. My heart melted inside.
I barely met these people, and already, they were special to me. Edgar and I accompanied his sister, mother, and nephew on a walk around the block, and when the walk ended, I wanted more of these people. It was then that I realized that this thing between Edgar and me is real. We were supposed to find each other, it was only a matter of time.
On my way to work today, I realized the validity, the value of something that Eric Collins told me one year ago. He said that comfort and security alone are not good enough reasons to stay with somebody for the rest of your life. One year ago, I argued against that notion, saying that they might be the best reasons, because at least you know you have SOME sort of basis to form a solid foundation. But these days you will find me saying something different. Comfort and security are only a minimal part of why you should consider someone to be with you for the rest of your life. Comfort and security don't even begin to chip the iceberg. Comfort and security leave you alone and deceive you. Comfort and security are not enough to make someone remember that they love you before they destroy what you have built. Comfort and security- they're just not enough.
When I look at Edgar, I see what I've been waiting for. I see what people told me I would never find because I was expecting perfection. I see my own version of perfection. This is not to say that he is perfect. Shit...I learned my lesson about that...one should NEVER expect someone to be a saint- it's a bad idea for both people. But I see unconditional acceptance. I see nobility, decency, selflessness, humility, humor, maturity, authenticity, charisma, brilliance, pureness of heart, and an amazing sense of who he is in this universe. Today, when I met his family, I knew how he was formed. I knew the origination of the sense of home that I get when he is around.
Family does that to you. Family has everything to do with the way you choose to be, whether it be by good example, or bad. Before the conversation between my parents and I ended, my father said (this is in translation): "The time to show your love is now." Daddy, you've never been more right in your life.
QOTD
"U have made my world so warm jenny. i owe u my all. always."
-Edgar- (sigh-inducing text messages from my baby...)
"Yeah, but hosts are sub-human, they don't really count."
-Dave Reiter-
"When you two were standing there, I felt like sliding in-between you and yelling safe!"
-Jen A. (aka Ninja Jen) having a softball memory lapse. (kinda like 'Nam, but only not.)-
"Whatever, short shit."
-Jen A.- (as you may have guessed, she's about 12 ft. tall)
"My legs hurt cause I'm fat and I can't carry myself."
-Cona-
posted by LoveisLife4Nen at 11:50 PM
