The Family Biz & Why I Can't Take Over
Ok- The family Biz....we run a circus.
My father is the lion tamer slash flying trapeze artist.
My mother sticks her head into lions' mouths and jumps through fire hoops.
And my siblings do various tricks such as walk tight ropes and wrestle with tigers while wearing skirts made of uncooked steaks.
We really are a talented bunch.
April fools, bitches!!! Ok so I'm a little early. (Just by a few hours.)
No, so really, my mother has owned a hair salon ever since I was 5.
I was always there as a child, so I know how to remove curlers, style hair, wash hair, all the basic things...but I never did get a knack for hair cutting or any other detailed bodily hair removal.
So today, my mom had some clients come to the house to get their eyebrows done. It was a mom and her 2 teen-aged daughters, one of which is going to have her cotillion on Saturday.
My mom suddenly tells me that she feels sick and insists that I go downstairs to finish the eyebrow waxing task. Hmmm....I can barely do my own properly.
"Mom," I say "I don't really think that's a good idea. I don't know how to do it." I was scared bc I don't really have a steady hand and the poor girl would probably end up with no right eyebrow. My mother simply responded: "Yes you do." The tone in her voice suggested that I suck it up and just do it since I've seen her do it several thousand times. I decided to do just that...I was gonna pull a Nike on their asses.
So I walk downstairs...the whole way thinking..."I sure hope they can't tell that I don't know what the hell I'm doing." Luckily, they were outrageously nice, & while yes, the mother did keep a sharp eye on my unsteady hands, she did not make me any more nervous than I was making myself. I was there to save my mom's ass; although, secretly, I was wishing that she would come down & save mine bc I think I f-d up the girl's eyebrow. (my mom had already waxed one.) Sure enough, my mother the soldier came downstairs & saved the day. Two asses saved in one night. The eyebrows looked nice from far away! That's all that matters.
Family is great like that. You can always count on someone to come and save your ass.
I cooked some dinner for my parents, and it was damn good by the way. Stir-fry chicken with a citrus dressing and a side of broccoli. They liked it.
I wrote my sister an e-mail @ work the other day & I was pissed to find that they now have e-mail filters. She did not receive my e-mail right away because I used the word "shit" in there. The sentence looked odd because it read: "I cleaned out my closet and there's a lot of (insert the evil swear here) that I needlessly keep." I added the little phrase there, but seriously, they went in and edited my friggin email. Well bitches, this was a free country last time I checked. This is the country that my people swam across the Rio Grande to be in (although the bottom half of this country was rightfully theirs to begin with, but that's another blog entry,) this is the country that fish-eyed fools from all over the world flee to bc we supposedly have to right to do whatever the fuck we want, including typing the word "shit" to our sisters in e-mails.
Guess not. When you sit and think about it, shit is being taken away from us little by little. Shit like...oh I don't know...the right to use the word shit, or flash a boob during the superbowl half-time (lol...jk, but really, it's just a boob. It's not unlikely that 10 year-olds are having sex or shooting each other these days, quit fretting about a stupid boob.) If I had a kid & my kid saw the boob, I'd be like "look man, it's a part of the female anatomy. God made us like that and it's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, it's only a breast. Men have them too, only they're flat. "
Bam. Any questions, answer them honestly. Who better to learn from than your own parents?
Ok...so much talk about fake circuses, filtered e-mails, and boobs has me worn out.
Buona Notte, bitches...and Happy April.
Hugs and prayers to my buddy Anna and her family and to the family of Terri Shiavo.
QOTD
"My butt bone hurts." -Julian-
My father is the lion tamer slash flying trapeze artist.
My mother sticks her head into lions' mouths and jumps through fire hoops.
And my siblings do various tricks such as walk tight ropes and wrestle with tigers while wearing skirts made of uncooked steaks.
We really are a talented bunch.
April fools, bitches!!! Ok so I'm a little early. (Just by a few hours.)
No, so really, my mother has owned a hair salon ever since I was 5.
I was always there as a child, so I know how to remove curlers, style hair, wash hair, all the basic things...but I never did get a knack for hair cutting or any other detailed bodily hair removal.
So today, my mom had some clients come to the house to get their eyebrows done. It was a mom and her 2 teen-aged daughters, one of which is going to have her cotillion on Saturday.
My mom suddenly tells me that she feels sick and insists that I go downstairs to finish the eyebrow waxing task. Hmmm....I can barely do my own properly.
"Mom," I say "I don't really think that's a good idea. I don't know how to do it." I was scared bc I don't really have a steady hand and the poor girl would probably end up with no right eyebrow. My mother simply responded: "Yes you do." The tone in her voice suggested that I suck it up and just do it since I've seen her do it several thousand times. I decided to do just that...I was gonna pull a Nike on their asses.
So I walk downstairs...the whole way thinking..."I sure hope they can't tell that I don't know what the hell I'm doing." Luckily, they were outrageously nice, & while yes, the mother did keep a sharp eye on my unsteady hands, she did not make me any more nervous than I was making myself. I was there to save my mom's ass; although, secretly, I was wishing that she would come down & save mine bc I think I f-d up the girl's eyebrow. (my mom had already waxed one.) Sure enough, my mother the soldier came downstairs & saved the day. Two asses saved in one night. The eyebrows looked nice from far away! That's all that matters.
Family is great like that. You can always count on someone to come and save your ass.
I cooked some dinner for my parents, and it was damn good by the way. Stir-fry chicken with a citrus dressing and a side of broccoli. They liked it.
I wrote my sister an e-mail @ work the other day & I was pissed to find that they now have e-mail filters. She did not receive my e-mail right away because I used the word "shit" in there. The sentence looked odd because it read: "I cleaned out my closet and there's a lot of (insert the evil swear here) that I needlessly keep." I added the little phrase there, but seriously, they went in and edited my friggin email. Well bitches, this was a free country last time I checked. This is the country that my people swam across the Rio Grande to be in (although the bottom half of this country was rightfully theirs to begin with, but that's another blog entry,) this is the country that fish-eyed fools from all over the world flee to bc we supposedly have to right to do whatever the fuck we want, including typing the word "shit" to our sisters in e-mails.
Guess not. When you sit and think about it, shit is being taken away from us little by little. Shit like...oh I don't know...the right to use the word shit, or flash a boob during the superbowl half-time (lol...jk, but really, it's just a boob. It's not unlikely that 10 year-olds are having sex or shooting each other these days, quit fretting about a stupid boob.) If I had a kid & my kid saw the boob, I'd be like "look man, it's a part of the female anatomy. God made us like that and it's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, it's only a breast. Men have them too, only they're flat. "
Bam. Any questions, answer them honestly. Who better to learn from than your own parents?
Ok...so much talk about fake circuses, filtered e-mails, and boobs has me worn out.
Buona Notte, bitches...and Happy April.
Hugs and prayers to my buddy Anna and her family and to the family of Terri Shiavo.
QOTD
"My butt bone hurts." -Julian-
posted by LoveisLife4Nen at 9:31 PM
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