They Don't Mean That Much To Me Right Now

I found some poetry that I wrote last year and it was so grim I couldn't believe the contrast to where I am now. Polar opposite.

Let me ask you something-
When it comes to friendships that you had hoped to maintain, but just couldn't, when do you (how do you) know when to let things be? I have a problem with not confronting conflicts with friends and family when they arise for fear of that friction that follows...you know...that nasty pit in your stomach that signals that there could be a horrible fight. I have to stop believing in the what-if factor, it really sets me back with people.

I'm having a hard time letting go of a friendship that meant so very much to me. Some would say that I made the choice to let it go a year ago when I did not adress the problem that arose, but I was soooo scared, that instead, I did nothing but let everything fade, including the friendship. I have not talked to this person in a bit over a year. I was told that if anything, it should be easier to come to those you're already close to if you have beef with them cause they already love you and sometimes they just don't have the courage to say anything themselves.

For almost a year now, I've been getting tossed back and forth between sadness, regret, bitterness, anger and so forth, and now, I realize that that only happens cause I don't have any answers. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED according to that friend. I know what happened according to me...but what does she think?

Why the fuck is it so hard for women to be friends sometimes? Why can't there be established a sisterly bond as easily as men establish a fraternal link with one another? I don't consider myself catty; I crave more quality female frienships. I appreciate the female friends I have, don't misread my pee, (Simpsons allusion for those of you who are cool.) But, is it wrong for me to crave more closeness?

QOTD
"Cats like it when you talk sexy to them."
-Edgar-

ME: Shut up!! ::giggle::
EDGAR: Do you want me to look sexy while I'm shutting up?

"I can't talk....let me close this door here- sometimes I can't talk."
-Fr. Costigan-

"Yeah, but Edgar gets to keep you forever."
-Liz-

"Yeah, I didn't expect one of your NON-ME friends to be that cool. Nice job!"
-Juan-

"Oh, to be that guitar..."
-Lilly being perverted about John Mayer-