You'll Never Feel the Heat of This Soul

You know I have had some time to think and I'm thinking that maybe when people leave your life it's for the best. And it doesn't always have to be permanent- God brings people together for different reasons, at odd times, but He can take them away just the same- and now I see that's not always a bad thing. Freddy and I were talking today, and he said it's never good to burn bridges. I said that with some people, you have to...but I think I had to hear him say that in order to see how foolish I've been to burn some bridges in my life.

It's never the same to come across those old bridges again, sometimes
it's strong, sometimes it's scary, sometimes...you wish you'd burnt them afterall...

I'm starting to see all the ways in which certain people may not be good to have around afterall. When you're growing and changing, the last thing you need are people who make you feel small, inadequate. I am more than they will ever know because they gave up on me and you know what, maybe it's better that way because the people who gave a shit enough to stick around will get to see me shine, and that's the way it should be. I know those people don't really hear me anyway.

"I have wandered far and wide for something real, something to die for.
But I have found you, and you do not see all that is me, all that is true.
And I am more than you will see, I am more than you will need, I am more than you will see, more than wanted, more than you'll love, more than you'll hate, more than you'll hold, more than wanted, more than you'll crave, more than you'll cherish, more than you'll have, more than wanted." (I thought lyrics from Vanessa Carlton's 'wanted' were fitting.)

So- even if I'm not "reliable" enough in your eyes to get my own life together, then you never really knew me at all. You don't know my heart, you don't know the root of my fears, and you certainly don't know my desire to burn brightly- a desire that no one can put out.

I thought about what a blow it was to hear you say that because my life is not where it should be, you can use that as a measure to prognosticate what I would be to you in the future, and if you can sit there and do that, then you're right, it is done for now. I am not burning any bridges with you because I love you, but I'm also not going to stay in a place where someone thinks so little of me.

Farewell for now, to those of you who think I'm not good enough. I wouldn't dare to try and prove what I am or am not to change your mind of me. I will see you if and when the good Lord thinks I should- no bridges burnt.

QOTD
"Thank goodness paleness is only a phase."
-Fred-

"Heeeeey it's UIC! Let's stop and have some classes!"
-Jew, drunk at 4a.m.-

"Your momma's a bitch for having you."
-Tamara-